well, 3rd year man, usually i’m sentimental at night…but more or less i still the same right now. still write down what i think, my experience, my emotional at that time, incidents surrounding me….etc.
i feel i’m off the pace… lack of strength to catch up what it should be done at my schedule.is this called enjoying life? haha…i still can’t believe what happened to myself. 2 years can pass so fast until this might be my final year in ukm. i’ll seek for further study chances after that, not only in ukm of course. still, yet, the greatest hole would be my love life, a big hole, still empty. my frens keep saying i should take my chances whenever i can, and they keep saying that i got a loooooot of chances..where? when? who? well, they can’t give specific evidence though.
i’m curious about ppl with FUU, i wonder how they manage it. well, i’m curious does not mean i want to do that ok? but that’s other ppl’s private problems, i do not wish to discuss too much.
during the past 2 years, i took my chances, i expressed my feelings to girls i like in ukm, well, as expected, it end up to be a negative outcome. .1 in first year, 1 in second year (it turn out that the "1st year one" have bf oredi (not me), the "2nd year girl" i dont think we can be frens again). 3rd year? blank, still now. but i still treat my friends as good as possible, there are a lot of wonderful girls around me, can classify as very nice and great girl, but just lack of some catalyst to spark the chemistry needed, + i dont have the courage needed..maybe i’m not good enough?
some friends say i look like idiot in 1st year, 2nd year ok a bit, 3rd year changed a lot (outlook). well, maybe i’m not good looking enough in my previous 2 years.. well, i still think i’m not a handsome looking guy now. maybe i’m fundamentally an ugly guy? but i started to use gel, i care about how my hair…everyday i think of what to wear so that i look fresh and good….finally i can understand why some guys can wake up so early and spend 2 hours in toilet just to make their hair more……….."nice".
ppl’s attitude towards me are very "polarize", when they hate me, they will try to crucify me whenever they have the chance. when they like me, we are brothers and sisters (at least i never try to use them, i swear to god). maybe i care about friends? i treat them as good as i can? yes, i admit i treat girls better than guys, but i do care a lot for juniors. not because i want to "score" her, but just i still believe “女生是拿来疼的”. you’ll surprise sometimes the person i treat her nicest usually not they girl i want to court (because most of the time the girl i like will not appreciate what you did to her). i help, treat them/her nice because they need my help, not because i have "further intention" that’s it.
well, is there any ppl will sacrifice the day before exam to help friends (3 girls, 1 guy) one by one to study a subject that not going to test tomorrow? i can guarantee i’m the only one person in ukm will do that, ironically, when i need help, seeking help…some ppl will answer/reply me in a fashionable way: "next month i got exam, i can not help you." they say i’m idiot, i’m stupid, why sacrifice so much for frens? but at least i care for friends, i keep my integrity and i’m proud that i’m not a tooo selfish guy… to those who dont like me, can you do so? i very doubt.
2 rules i still follow, girls with bf, never touch, i even kept distance with them. keep improve yourself into a better man.
i do hope somewhere, someday, someone, especially the girl i like, will understand and appreciate what i did for her. that’s it, this will be my last request in 3rd year of ukm life. from past experience i know they/her wont, but i still have to keep my hope alive.
i do hope can meet "the right one" soon…god bless.
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