as title.
i found myself lack of motivations to finish up my thesis, it sucks! it’s 65% done and i still have 3 extremely hard obstacles to hurdle before i can really decide what should i do next. the first one would be 1st draft to my supervisor, surely he’ll very dissatisfy with my work…an excuse, i never study economics before and the subject i get A is really a fluke i guess. 2nd would be final draft to pass up to the office..that would take a lot of effort to do those corrections..and final hurdle would be viva; a presentation that will chill your spine, courage, cunning most needed.
i’m certain i’ll not able to convo this year, a bit sad and disappoint with myself…a bright and promising start end up i’m the one who will be extending my studies… just to always inform myself extension might not a bad thing as well, maybe i’ll learn more about it, maybe good things or fortunes fall upon me soon, who knows?
post 20/6 syndrome.
life is not as rush as pre concert, yet a lot of things bothers me regarding the concert. still lose knot to be tie up, i wonder why some ppl just so hate this things…i mean cooperating, adding ppl from other societies, work together peacefully..sometimes you just cant pull yourself out if you disagree with something..i’m wordless. yet many ppl that are not committed, determine to organizing things still a core member to be considered if we are to make another concert again. regarding the concert itself, i have not much comments abt it, just glad that it’s a successful one. depends on how you define success, for me, the performers’ quality got improvements, the young arrangers and conductors improves, we get a lot of sponsors, the crowd loves it, we entered numerous papers, the sponsors are ready to support again next time, what do you ask for?
wonder why there’s not much progress? it’s due to bad management, it’s harder to do than just talk. top to down there’s a lot of problems, bureaucracy is killing me… maybe it’s because involving a lot of people and decision makers. things just run too slow, it’s like pulling a stone mountain. it’s frustrating as you put a lot of efforts yet nth or just a little things moves. no vision, no plan, no strategies, just for fun. i believe in systematic management, yet not much ppl seeing and share my vision. too much attitude and ego too little action and vision, still confuse between working and playing..i’m tired.
i’m quite surprise, nowadays when lunch time or dinner time no body ask me to eat together! especially after a hard and long rehearsal or practice session. well, maybe i do shield myself with ppl when doing things, that’s why no ppl care abt me either! oopps, no one ask me to take photo as well, am i so not “appreciatable” to you all? wonders me as well. one more thing, all those “brada n sista” that i know for more than 10 years, only a few replied my sms and a few from that a few actually did came for that concert, i’m touched! so far those so called close friends will only come to visit you during CNY for 2 purpose, ang pau and “puak kiau”. most of my brada actually NEVER attend nor wish me good luck to any of my performance. i can understand most of them can not accept chinese orchestra (pay >RM300 to watch artist concert yet will not support MJ, tragic or salvation? i think his death actually released him from the cage of torment. sad about a loss of genius, but happy that he’s finally free of his own miserable mental eccentric cage. a little bit too soon, but just wish him rest in peace. if there’s karma, i wish him reborn as a peaceful man.
finished runt, back to work…before that, take a nap.
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